Monday, May 12, 2008

My First Spanking

*A few months ago our family had the privilege of being invited to R & L’s house* for dinner. R & L are a warm and wonderful couple who we met at church. L is a “supermom” (not just one that is good at mothering, but I think she might literally wear a cape). She keeps an immaculately organized home, she homeschools (my dream), teaches piano, and she fosters ultra-healthful eating by grinding her own wheat, making bread that will help you poop and superfancy healthful (yet delicious) cookies that are suppose to actually help you lose weight (though I ate about 10 and didn’t lose anything). We love L.

L graciously shared* some resources on parenting and discipline, which I gobbled right up. Since I wasn’t disciplined as a child, I am always interested in learning how others go about shaping the will of their children (particularly when they have fantastically well-mannered children, like L & R do!). The topic of discipline* is actually an area that I had read up on early in my Christian walk, because by the time I got saved, I was already a parent of a “terrible two-year old” who was extremely strong willed. I dove right into James Dobson’s “Strong Willed Child” and some others by Swindoll and Tripp.

L showed me* a 12 inch glue stick with the words “use with love” written on it, that she used* to train her daughter. When her little one was willfully defiant, L would swat her hand with the stick*. After I expressed my difficulty with Maya’s temperament, L generously gave a glue stick of my own to take home.

I explained to L that although I knew from my reading that I should use something besides my hand to spank (so that the child would associate the pain with the “thing” and not me), I always opted to use my hand. I had never been spanked as a child, so when I began disciplining my kids, I felt that I needed to use my hand to help me gage the pain I was inflicting on their little bottoms. (Dirt laughs at my early attempts at spanking which essentially amounted to me tapping Avery’s butt with his diaper padding on.)

I accepted the glue stick*, but asked L to show me*, how she would use it*. She smiled awkwardly, hesitated, and asked me if I was sure. I was. I held out my hand and she turned it palm-side up and gently grasped my fingertips. Then she took her little “use with love” glue stick and slapped my* fingers with it*. My eyes got real big and I bit my lip, but before I knew it, she was going back for more! Two more strikes! Holy cow! I didn’t know it was a three-part deal! I tried to remain composed, “Yes, I see how that would be an effective deterrent” I managed to mutter out while I was assessing the throbbing pain in my left hand*. Then she shared with me that discipline is always done as an act of love and she always spends time holding her children afterward. I wanted to cry and be held, but I thought it would’ve been awkward, so I just bit my lip.

The reason why this blog is coming so many months later is because to this day whenever I think of L or the spanking incident I get tingling in the left side of my brain down to my hand. I am serious. In fact, as I starting typing this post I put an asterisk (*) every time I got the sensation so you could see how effective* the glue stick spanking methodology is! For a while I thought that maybe I had some neurological damage, but then Dirt laughed and told me that it was because I had never been spanked before. Then I acknowledged that not only had I never been spanked, but I had never been punished (no time outs, no groundings, nothing, nada, no consequences for actions).

…And you definitely don’t want to raise a child like me.

Editor's note: Though I haven’t actually used the glue stick to swat my kids, I did find that showing it to them and explaining the pain that it can cause and letting them know that I’m not afraid to use it on them, has been a wonderful deterrent.

18 comments:

The Gawel's said...

A regular glue stick that you put in a glue gun? Interesting!

T5M said...

Yes, only longer*. Ouch! I can't talk about it any more.

~Seth & Nancy~ said...

i'm surprised you were able to type the post! just talking about it the other night i thought you were gonna end up convulsing or something :-)
i've had the same conversation with a few people...it's interesting that the majority of us that were spanked as kids are proponents of the same kind of discipline later on in life...probably because we know it works!

mainelife said...

I was the only kid in our family who was spanked. My mom says that you only need to spank one and the others "get it". I was also the worst kid in the family and totally deserved it, but to this day my husband thinks that I was abused. (he's not a spanker)

The Gawel's said...

Let me know if you hear from the Keegans--Praying they are ok!

MOM said...

You were spanked and timed out. You just don't remember!

Wendy said...

When you use the word "train" to reference "L's" use of the glue stick, is it the same kind of "training" an elephant owner uses to make the animal do what it wants it to do?

Like all issues, there are proponents and opponents. If that is what works in your home I believe it is your choice, but not one I necessarily agree with.

T5M said...

...and you, my friend, have unruley children.

Relax, I'm just kidding, I don't even know who you are. Unless your my SIL Wendy, who has changed her blogger identity, then I do know who you are.

Train, yes...it's the same kind of training for dogs, elephants, kids, even adults. The other kind of "train" rides on tracks and carries cargo and that's not what I'm taking about in this post.

Mom: Never. I gave you time outs (usually with a bloody mary), remember?

Wendy said...

Yes, this is your unruly SIL - please train me!!

T5M said...

I'll train you alright, but it'll probably take more than a glue stick. For your training I'll need a hot iron poker and some duck tape.

*****

Why did you change your blogger ID? Are you on the run?

K-Sea said...

I had a few belts to my bottom in my day...I just don't see any need to spank a child..they see enough violence without seeing their parent be violent. There has never been an incident where my words didn't solve the problem.

MOM said...

No I don't remember!.....and you were spanked!

MaineMomKC5 said...

I'm on the lam. Don't tell anyone.

T5M said...

..my kids don't see much violence, and I think they're less fearful because of it. I guess that's another area we disagree on...

barbarakuhn said...

It works, my girls are proof. I used ye ole wooden spoon, like my Mom. We didn't have glue sticks in the old days.

Angela said...

I am absolutely appalled at the lack of respect for the children. We have laws that help to prevent domestic violence. Those same laws should protect the children too. Do you think that a child cant understand and be taught reason without pain from the one who is supposed to love and protect them? My children are NOT unruly and have been taught to love and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If I was to HIT them with anything, it would teach fear as a reason to behave. They arent animals! They are precious children. Do you think that Jesus whipped the little ones? You can beat love out of someone but not in.... just my thought on all of this

MaineMom said...

Well Angela got to the party late.

Deena said...

Gotta agree with Angela here. I've had to take a restraining order out on my husband. Domestic violence is no joke. If he ever slapped my hand with a love stick he could do jail time. Unless of course we're playing some sadistic sex game. Either way, is that really something you want to emulate with your kids in the name of love? Or even discipline?

And as a child who was spanked with a wooden spoon I can assure you that there was no such distinguishment in my mind between the person behind that swat no matter what made contact with my body.