I’ve cracked the shell of an age-old debate. I’ve single-handedly come up with the answer to a question that spans thousands of years. I have the answer to what inquiring minds want to know.
What is it you ask?
Well, I’ve solved the dilemma of expectant parents everywhere; I know how to determine the gender of a baby in the womb.
Really, I do. Seriously. It works. …and it’s my invention.
No, it’s not an ultrasound, we all know that Al Gore invented that. (Or was that the internet?) [snickering]
It boils down to this simple, yet highly scientific equation: (try to follow along)
Diarrhea = girl
Constipation (or lack of diarrhea) = boy
Sorry to use the word “diarrhea” on this blog. I know it’s an unpleasant word. And I’m double-sorry if you happen to be eating while reading this. …or for that matter, DRINKING…like coffee or something…cause we all know that diarrhea is more like…well…you know…liquid…than a solid…actually a brown liquid [more snickering]. Um, am I twelve?
No, I just checked, I’m not.
Anyway. It’s so true and so proven that I challenge you to test this hypothesis on yourself, your friends, your mother, whoever and post you comments here!
This is my motto for pregnant women everywhere, “Toss the Chinese calendar and just look in the toilet!”
Oh, and congratulations to the Gram Fam who just gave birth to a beautiful bouncing baby GIRL, who everyone thought was going to be a boy based on some nonsense about the way Jill was carrying and whom I correctly predicted would be a GIRL because of Jill’s fecal matter (which, yes, I felt justified in inquiring about).