Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Nonsense By-the-Beach

I’ve been in a commuter’s quandary ever since the unfortunate incident a few weeks ago where my ipod was boldly abducted from my vehicle, (allegedly) by the valet parking staff at the Omni Parker House in Boston.

Without my ipod I’ve been forced to go to some extreme measures to relieve myself of the insane thoughts that pass through my head during a 2-hour morning commute. One of those extreme measures came last week when I flicked on the radio to one of the Seacoast’s pop radio stations. Oh how I wish I hadn’t.

On this particular morning the DJs were reading an e-mail that had been penned by a very bright woman who identified herself as “By-the-Beach”. Apparently Ms. By-the-Beach had a problem that she thought warranted the counsel of the local DJs and the fine listeners in the seacoast region. Mind you, this isn’t NPR.

The quagmire was that Ms. By-the-Beach has a crush on her neighbor’s husband and she doesn’t know what to do about it.


As you can imagine, this was a fairly easy predicament for the DJs and listeners to solve. The phones were flooded with callers telling her to “get her own man” and to “leave the neighbor alone”. It was really very Jerry Springer.

Then the plot thickened…Ms. By-the-Beach divulged that she is pretty tight with her neighbors, which would seem to make the decision to leave them alone even easier, but not for Ms. By-the-Beach. Again the DJs readily solved this dilemma by telling her to “back off from the neighbors until she gets her feelings under control”.

I was utterly disgusted by this entire exchange, but it was like watching a train wreck, I couldn’t turn away. I suppose I was waiting for some vindication, someone to call the station and represent my view, “this is absurd, can you just play some Maroon 5 please”. But the vindication never came. I think I literally lost 3 IQ points for having listened to such nonsense.

On the remainder of the commute I pondered the type of person that would seriously write in to a pop radio station for advice. Then I pondered the type of person who actually needs to be told that it’s not a wise choice to have a crush on her married neighbor. Then I pondered the type of person that would ponder such things (oh wait, that's me). Anyway, I came up with three possible profiles for Ms. By-the-Beach:

1) This person is a complete idiot
2) This person is in desperate need of attention
3) This person is a complete idiot who is in desperate need of attention.

There, I just had to get that off my chest.


Grandma said...

The person is a complete idiot and desperately needs attention. In fact, she is getting it by you taking the time to discuss her. Not your best topic for a blog

T5M said...

Is it any worse than the one about poop?

MaineMom said...

You're funny...perhaps you need satellite radio? Then you can listen to Howard Stern and Ms. By-the-Beach will seem normal.