Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Scariest Halloween Party Ever

I'm really not one for the whole "scary Halloween scene", which is why I thought it would be a good idea to bring the kids to the church Halloween party that was advertised in the Sunday bulletin. Christians don't generally "do" the whole dressing up as witches and demons and devils thing, so a church Halloween party was right up my alley....or so I thought...

The shindig was set to begin at 6:30pm on Friday. Wendy and Will planned to join us and I was secretly glad that Wendy was coming to church with me so that I could show her that Christians are normal people (I think she thinks that Christians are weirdos and freaks). I have never been to the church Halloween party, and wasn't confident that it was going to be all that great without the traditional spooky Halloween decorations, but the invitations promised pumpkin carving and prizes for the best costumes, and I knew the kids would be happy to run around with other costumed kids...

At 4:30pm on Friday I still didn't have costumes. I rushed around with Avery and Amelle trying to find costumes for them, got home at 5:30, stuck two frozen pies in the oven (it was a potluck) and transformd three excited kids into a Brainiac, Sharpay (from HS Musical), and Cat Girl. Will (aka Rafael) and Wendy showed up at 6:10 and we let the kids run around to get some of the excitement out until 6:30.

As we walked out to the car Dirt trailed behind with the pies. Wendy said, "oh, I didn't know Jermaine was coming". Dirt viewed this as an opportunity to get out of going and said, "Well, I don't have to go, in fact, if you and Wendy are going...you don't need me..." I gave Dirt the evil eye and told him that he'd have fun talking to the other bored dads. He reluctantly followed behind us in his truck.

We arrived at church at 6:40. Not a lot of cars in the parking lot (not a lot = 6). We drove past the door where we saw 9 long tables set up with table clothes and pumpkin centerpieces and some people dressed up by the buffet table. They looked to be adults, the kids must've been running around in the gym or off doing a craft...

I looked down at my watch, it was still 6:40, "It's still early" I said to Wendy, maybe there will be more people coming...

Dirt pulled up next to us, "doesn't look like a lot of people here"

...but there was no turning back, we had a minivan full of costumed kids who were ready to party. We at least had to go in and try. Even if there were only a few other kids there, that would be better than turning around. I was certain that the pastor's kids would be there (they're the same age as Avery & Amelle).

As soon as we stepped foot inside the room I knew we were in trouble. There was a moment of dead silence as everyone at the buffet table stopped scooping food and looked at us. Someone finally broke the silence, "Wow, now THOSE are some costumes!".
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Dirt lead the way and handed our pies over to a large lawn gnome. Then the gnome introduced herself to us. I asked if the kids were somewhere else and she said, "oh no....all our kids are grown...Steve over there, his son just got married last week".
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Clearly I had somehow misread the Halloween party invite. It was apparent that we were in the over 50 group with some graduates, some lawn gnomes, Pocahontas and Charlie Brown.
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"Hey, you guys are welcome to stay, you're dressed, you brought pie, grab a plate and have some dinner! We're going to carve pumpkins later!" The gnome kindly offered.
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I couldn't contain my laughter. It was like being back in High School trying to maintain your composure when someone in class farts. It was horrible and I have never been good at suppressing laughter. I was trying desperately to hold back the giggles and tend to my kids who had no idea what was going on. Avery was "embarrassed" and when I turned around to Dirt for some ideas on how to gracefully get out of there, he was gone. Vanished. Disappeared.
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Blasted!
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Wendy looked at me with a wide-eyed smile. There would never be another opportunity for me to prove the 'regularness' of Christians. It was over, case closed, this confirmed her suspicions - whatever they were.
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I bought some time by pouring the kids juice and then came up with a plan to bring the kids up to the church gym to run around. It served two purposes, 1) got us the heck out of there and 2) allowed the kids to run around in their costumes for a while.
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Thirty minutes later we exited the building through the front exit and walked outside the building back to the car as not to disrupt the "Halloween Party" any more than we already had. When I got back home I re-read the invitation, it said "B2 Halloween Party" - I guess I kind of ignored the "B2" when I first read the invite because I didn't know what it meant.
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Apparently B2 is code for "old people".
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Hopefully that will be the most frightening Halloween experience I will ever have.

7 comments:

~Seth and Nancy~ said...

HYSTERICAL!!! :-)

The Gawel's said...

That just made my day!!! I can see you looking at Wendy, Wendy looking at you....

K-Sea said...

what you did't know was that under the Lawn Gnome costume was ME! muuuhhhhahhhhh

MaineMom said...

I didn't think Christians were weird or freaky until AFTER this incident. The one word that comes to mind for this story is: awkward.

But, at least we got a good laugh out of it.

barbarakuhn said...

Too funny - gotta love church lingo, we're called "empty nesters". Have you heard T.O.T. (Trunk or Treat)? Check out Nate Lawrenson's blog, now that looks like fun!

T5M said...

We did do "trunk or treat" at my last church.

...but it was for KIDS, not just the empty nesters...

Nicky - do you remember, I think you went with me to that one! ...they had a Christian magician there as well. ...just goes to show that not all Church Halloween parties are alike!

Grandma said...

Wish I could have been there to see your body language!