A few months ago I mentioned that I was drowning in the tug again. Not the tub, the “tug”. I intimated that we were considering adopting. I also eluded that this child would come from Ethiopia.
I don’t have a definitive update on what we’re going to do. All I can say is that Dirt and I are still seriously considering this and are praying for the Lord’s clear direction. If you keep a prayer list, perhaps you can jot our names down on it with a big question mark beside it, indicating the need for His wisdom.
If you want to get into the sordid details of our dilemma, here they are:
I believe that the Lord has been clear with me about His desire for us to adopt. The tug, the nagging pull, the feeling I can’t shake, all seem to point in this direction. However, I am innately selfish and comfortable and content with my current life and would just assume carry on ignoring the 5 million orphans in Africa, as I have been doing my entire life, without any ill effects. Except for that darn tug.
I’d probably feel more confident about moving forward if the tug was also haunting Dirt. I can’t help but think that if God wants us to do this, He’d be bothering both of us with this burden. Though, having said that, I will admit that it isn’t exactly easy to get Dirt’s attention. I know God can move mountains, but moving Dirt is a whole other endeavor. Dirt has never felt God’s leading about anything. If Dirt waited for God’s prompting before taking any action, he’d still be nestled in his mother’s womb.
One bit of advice we received was that if God is leading me in this direction and not Dirt, it’s because Dirt is already “fine with it” and He only needed to soften my heart to get things rolling.
Another bit of advice we received was that we should wait for God to speak to both of us, as He did with Mary and Joseph, before Jesus was born.
We actually began filling out the home-study paperwork and attending adoption teleconferences a few months back. When our nation’s economic downturn evolved into an economic crisis, Dirt decided to put the brakes on the adoption thing, citing economic uncertainty as his major concern. He wanted to be more financially prepared for the expense of adoption, as we’ll need to come out of pocket with $25,000 in 10-12 months to complete the process. I just hate it when Dirt is all responsible-like [eyes rolling].
So, we’ve agreed to hold off until February to see how things play out with his current contract. During this timeframe we’d also like to see God drop the anvil of adoption on Dirt’s head, if at all possible.
While I was at bible study last week, I asked the group how to know if a idea/vision/leading is from God or if it’s just something you made up, and the answer I received was, “God’s desire is to conform you to be more Christ-like, if your idea/vision achieves that, it’s likely from God”. I’m meditating on that one.