Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Me and PT

Let me first start of by saying that I know I have a problem. My mother has shared with me that she wasn’t sure I was going to make it out of Kindergarten.

This morning I was behind a PT Cruiser. This particular PTC had a sticker on it, indicating that they were headed to the same place I was headed, the kids' school. I could see the back of the driver’s head and another little head bobbing in the back seat; a mother and a kid about the age of my kids, I deduced. We were at a stop sign waiting for traffic to pass, which gave me far too much time to think. This is never a good thing for me.

Hmmm…could I ever be friends with someone who drives a PT cruiser? Boy, that sounds shallow. It’s not that the car isn’t good enough for me, or that it indicates a lack of social stature, 'cause Lord knows, I’m nothing fancy, but it’s the judgment piece. I mean what kind of judgment does the person who buys one of these things have? Could I let my kids ride with a driver who has such judgment? What if this same lack of discernment caused them to…oh I don’t know…ride the wrong way on a one-way street? That would be bad.”

PT Cruiser drives off, I follow behind.

But then something interesting happens. The PT Cruiser turns off onto another road. Now I know they’re headed to the same destination as me, so I assume that they're taking a short cut. Then my pride jumps in.

“How can someone who drives a PT Cruiser know a quicker, shorter way to get to school?”

I was livid.

…until, I passed her further down on my trip; she was waiting to pull out onto the street I was driving on. I had the opportunity to let her go in front of me, but there was no way I was going to do that (some good Christian grace at work here, I’m not proud). What’s worse is that I received great satisfaction from passing her (noted by the tremendous pompous grin on my face). Then I checked the rear view mirror and saw that she didn’t turn onto the street behind me, she went straight across to another street!

Blasted! This woman was full of short cuts!

As I passed a myriad of side streets, I looked down each one to see if I could spot her riding parallel to me. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel with impatience at every traffic light, I was determined to get there before her.

As we got closer to the school I passed her again, this time she was waiting at a red light, while I was under a green light passing through in front of her. I could taste sweet victory on my lips. I looked for her in my rear view mirror but didn’t see her behind me before I made my next turn, ever getting closer to the school.
Then disaster struck.


I was backed up in a long line of cars just two streets away from the school. Unfortunately, I knew that there were other ways to get to the school, and being stuck in a long line of construction traffic was killing me. The school is nestled inside a maze of side streets, and a shrewd parent who knew about the ongoing construction, could’ve easily planned a route to avoid delays. Could she have outsmarted me in the eleventh hour of the race? (well, I suppose it wasn’t “technically” a race since she had no idea that I even exist). I hopefully watched the cars pile up in the line behind me, but none were the PT Cruiser.

I took a deep breath and proceeded, checking every side street I passed. I turned into the home stretch with uncertainty. As I proceeded down the long driveway of the school campus, I watched each car that passed me on their way out to ensure that she had not already made the drop off. None were the PT Cruiser. I made my way to the circle, dropped off the kids and hoped that I’d see the PT Cruiser pulling in as I was exiting.

And I did. She was 8 cars behind me. Yes, I counted. Twice (precision is very important). Hey, I warned you about me. I’m disturbed.

As I passed this woman (who was paying absolutely no attention to me), I looked at her, smiled, and thought “you poor woman”. I am 100% serious.

What is wrong with me?


MaineMom said...

You're sick, that's what's wrong with you. Sick, sick and just more sick.

And that, my PT-hatin' friend, is precisely why I love you.

P.S. When did Maya learn to fly?

Lo said...

hahahaha oh girl you crack me UP!!!! that is soooooooo similar to the games that i, too, have played while driving. i get especially competitive on the highway and have been known to find my way in front of another car that has been driving WAY to poorly for safety and slow down and 'trap them' (block them in) so that they are FORCED to drive a decent speed.

i'm not sure what that makes me, either, but o well. helps me from banging my head on the steering wheel every day at 5.30!!

~Seth and Nancy~ said...

as i was reading this i had the scene from "meet the parents" running through my head...when they're racing back to the house from the rehearsal dinner :-)
you're too funny!

Grandma said...

Get over the PT Cruiser thing. You know, "different strokes for different folks." I don't like them either which was previously stated on another blog. Apparently, you have such strong feelings about the car that you needed to write yet another blog on the subject.

TheKeyRing said...

I'm starting to think you may need therapy.

BostonWriter said...

I thought that picking a random vehicular nemesis was a trait unique to Massachusetts drivers. Nice to learn that I'm not suffering alone.

My anger/psychosis doesn't really rest with any one particular type of vehicle, although I've been known to break out in hives when in close proximity to a Ford Taurus. Like Lo, I tend to pick the individual who is driving like a jerk and try to annoy him/her. The vigilantism angle makes me feel better about it. 'It's for the good of all' I tell myself.

When I was in college, however, I used to love bombing-up behind pricey luxury vehicles on the highway just to watch them hurriedly get out of the way. I drove an '81 Celica GT that looked pretty rough around the edges and made a definite statement. It screamed 'misanthrope.' The 'Smiths,' 'Mighty, Mighty Bosstones' and 'I brake for mutants' X-Men bumper stickers didn't help. (Yes - I was THAT much of a geek. Amazing that I was able to get dates, let alone get married.)

As always, a great post. Thanks for sharing.

Lo said...

you don't have to partake in the posting of it, but i did pass a blog award your way on my blog today :)