Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Metal Mouth

Today I'm getting braces. I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know so that you'll be prepared when you see me.

Here are some FAQs that might help me avoid talking about this unpleasant subject:

Q. Why are you getting braces?

A. Because I have a crooked tooth.

Q. I never noticed a crooked tooth?

A. You've never looked closely at my smile. It's one of my front teeth. (The one that my brother pushed in with a baseball bat when I was like 6 and he was like 9 - old enough to tell me not to play catcher so close to the batter)

Q. Braces are expensive, is your brother going to cover the cost of this expensive procedure?

A. Yes, he'll pay dearly, once I sue him for gross disfigurement (which ruined my modelling career) and psychological damage (this blog is proof).

Q. How long will you need to wear them?

A. Four to six months, but since I'm an overachiever, I'm hoping to have them off in three.

Q. Are you going to get fun colored rubber bands? (kids question)

A. I sure hope not.

Q. Why is your brother so mean?

A. I don't know, you'll have to ask him.

Q. Are you getting invisalign?

A. No. It wasn't presented as an option.

Q. How does Dirt feel about it?

A. He can't wait. He's always wanted a wife who wears braces.

Q. How will braces interfere with your new flossing obsession?

A. How do you know about that? That's private.


Lo said...

they have special wand things for flossing w/braces.... AND THEY'RE AWESOME. you will so be using them long after the metal has gone.

and only 6 months tops???? duuuuude. you are LUCKY girl. i had mine for 3 years. during puberty. not. fun.

good luck!!!!! and i hope we get a picture hehehe

Grandma said...

Wait til your brother reads this blog!!!!!!!!

MaineMom said...

Sweeet. What's next? A training bra?

Marty said...

Congrats on the Braces. I hope your mouth isn't as sore as mine. Let me know if you check out NLC.TV. Would love to hear your thoughts.

~Seth and Nancy~ said...

seriously?! you didn't say a word on friday night!
you'll have to go with the festive red and green rubberbands for christmas :-)

joelle said...

I never noticed, in my opinion I don't think you need them! But atleast you dont have to wear them for 2 yrs. like Marina! There are long pieces of floss you get and you get like a awesome (expensive) toothbrush, I think! That is what Marina got. You will be kinda soar for like 2-3 days, and every 4 monthes you have to get them tightened. Unfortunatley, you can only eat certain foods cuz' some foods can get caught in the metal part. Well good luck with those! I hope to see a picture!

MaineMom said...

P.S. Can you pleeeeeeease get the head gear thingie?? Paleeeeeeze??

T5M said...

Oooh these things stink. The joy of eating has been stripped away.

They're more "mouth-altering" than I expected. My lips can barely fit over them!

It's not pretty, not pretty at all.

~Seth and Nancy~ said...

you'll have to post a picture :-D
denise and i had retainers and i remember the soreness made it hard to eat. load up on yogurt and jell-o!

K-Sea said...

you walked into the bat!