Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Amesege'nallo'

I think of them every day. Every day. That's not a stretch. And if I'm honest, sometimes I get frustrated about it. I realize that sounds completely selfish. I sit here in my nice comfortable little life and poor me, I have to think about the suffering of others. Uhg. I hate my selfishness.

I use to get mad at God for "dropping this burden" on me. You see, I was perfectly content when I was completely oblivious to the world's 147 million orphans. I didn't pray for them, I didn't hurt for them, I didn't cry for them, I just lived my life.

A few months ago I shared my feelings with Brandi, a friend who serves on RLC with me. She gave me a bit of wisdom that I have held onto. She said that she use to get angry with God because of her own hurting for orphans. Until one day, when she was in tears that were made up of both sorrow and anger, and He spoke to her heart, "How dare you? Don't you know that it is a privilege and an honor that I have shown you a little piece of my heart?".

And so it is. It hurts to hurt for others. Some days it feels like depression. Some days it's tears before bed when I think about the orphans who are close to my heart and what I would give to tuck them in and kiss their foreheads and wish them sweet dreams. Sometimes its on my knees pleading with God, asking Him to better their circumstances, or to keep them safe. Some days it's just thoughts, just ideas that float around my head about how I can be used to help. But it truly is an honor and a privilege to see a teeny tiny sliver of God's heart for those who are near and dear to Him.

For this privilege, I say "Thank You" to my Creator, and I say Amesege'nallo' to the orphans who have taught me so much. I can't wait to see them again.

Wendy and I are planning our next trip - hopefully Spring 2010. Let me know if you're interested in joining us.

1 comment:

Brandi said...

ahhhh I know the feeling well. . .and still struggle with it. Thinking this struggle is going to get harder for me and not easier. . thanks for reminding me again to be thankful for the heart He gives us. . even if it makes us ache and makes us different from those around us.

Love you sweet friend,
Bran