Today and yesterday fall into the "hard" category. I pray that God will open up the door to let us adopt, but I don't know if he will. I get discouraged. Last year at this time we were filling out adoption paperwork and this year we aren't doing anything to bring us closer.
...and then I look at what He has already entrusted me with and I assess how I'm doing with them and sadly, the reason He hasn't given me another one becomes clear: maybe I'm not doing such a great job with what I already have.
...or maybe there is another reason, a less self-deprecating one.
Then I get an e-mail like this from my beloved...
There are plenty of examples in the Bible of God working things out in His time. Hannah wanted a son so bad that she constantly cried out to the Lord and bitterly wept. Not only was she barren, but she was mocked by Penninah (her husband’s other wife) who would flaunt her children before her. Hannah was probably asking the same question…”Why Lord have you given me this burden for a son if you are not giving me one?”. Although she often prayed and cried and the Lord didn’t seem to hear, she didn’t stop praying and crying. Well, the Lord was hearing her and did answer her prayers. She conceived and gave birth to Samuel. Samuel was a great man, priest, and prophet. The Lord did wonderful things through Samuel. This is the same Samuel that said “here am I” when the lord was calling him in the night. He has two books of the bible named after him. Just awesome. Hannah had no way of knowing the reason God was making her wait. But His timing is always perfect. He always knows what is best.
...and I am reminded that it's not all about me getting my way (luckily). It also reminds me that I have a pretty awesome (and long winded) husband (this was just the 1st of many paragraphs).