My stomach is in knots. Knots.
On Friday I was driving to work listening to Francis’ Chan – he was talking about leaving his church and heading off to a new chapter in his life. “Am I sure?”, he said…”no…I’m about 70-80% sure – but when are you ever 100% sure of anything? …and how many times have you been 100% sure of something and then been 100% wrong?”
That was how my day began.
The next thing that happened was crazy.
An e-mail came through with the subject line,”I know this is a really weird question”. When I opened the email, I read: “but do you think that you and Dirt might be called to be the parents of a 3-4 year old Ethiopian boy? …I won’t torture you with pictures unless you ask”
This is literally something I have prayed about for years. Actually, I don’t know if it’s been a full-blown prayer or just mini exasperated requests to God (is there a difference?), but on numerous occasions, I’ve said, “Lord, can’t you just put a child before us, so we’d know”? I have begged Him to do that so, so many times.
This was crazy. A 3-4 year old boy is exactly what we set out to adopt 2+ years ago. A 3-4 year old boy is the perfect compromise between my desire to adopt an older child and Dirt’s desire to adopt an infant. A 3-4 year old boy is our sweet spot….and the opportunity to say yes was just a click away.
I called Dirt and he said, “get all the information you can”.
Within minutes of my reply, I was flooded with photos of a precious wide-eyed child. I forwarded to Dirt who agreed: “He’s a cutie”.
This child has a biological half sister who was adopted last year and we arranged a call with her mother to talk about everything we could think of on Friday night. She was awesome and provided us with lots of information. We told her that we’d be taking the weekend to pray about it. She'd be praying too (as would another couple who is considering adoption).
It’s Monday and we’re still praying. We don’t have any peace in this situation. We’re scared about everything. We’re scared about saying yes and we’re scared about saying no. Adoption is definitely not for wimps....and I'm feeling extremely wimpy. Thoughts from only having three barstools at the kitchen counter to a 4th college tuition have fed our fears. But then there is love. There is the WWJD factor – and I tend to think that Jesus would want us to love this child, even if it means sacrificing. I’m not real good at sacrificing things, but God is, and if I trust that He is transforming me in His image, then….maybe....