Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm So Sure...Kind of...

I'm sure that we've been called to adopt. I am. As each day passes I become more and more confident that the Lord is calling us, together.

...and then there's B. [PHOTO REMOVED]

The one and only hesitation I have about adopting the child that He placed on our lap is B....the child he placed in my heart.

Yesterday's email reminds me of my dream to adopt him:

Hello lovely and sweet mom! [this is exactly how my other kids greet me] Haw was to day? Mom I miss my sister and brother. I miss you soooooooooo much. Mom you know you come common day? Mom I love you so much mom haw was dad. I think our family. Mom I see your photo in my bed mom I want to you com digital camera. Mom we will celebrate our new year after 1 month. It is known as Enkutatash. Mom I miss Solomon. Now finished school. Mom I want to skip [skype] with you.mom I am sad because my friend getaneh go soon America. Mom you gat my later? Now my email is work. Now I have puppy god [dog] she name is jerry she is the boy. To day see you in facebook. Mom God is love and God bless you! You son B Moore

[sigh]

Getaneh is the boy pictured above. I've been in contact with his mom - he'll be leaving Kolfe in the next month or so. Solomon left about a month ago. B's friends are leaving and he's still there...which breaks my heart.

I don't know how this story will end. In many ways I feel like I'm in a love triangle - torn between two precious children. But reality is that's not the case, to imply that I have a choice to make would deny the sovereignty of God. God alone weaves families together. HE is penning this story and HE already knows what our family is going to look like a year from now and ten years from now. I love that. I rest in that. So while this story is filled with suspense for me, God has already written it. We just need to turn the page to find out what happens. I am just so thankful that he's allowing us to play a role in this chapter. I can't wait to see what happens!

Stay tuned!

6 comments:

Leslie said...

OMG.... you are breaking my heart!!!

Jillian and Crew said...

praying for you!

Angel said...

Oh girl... I SOOOOOO get that. I do. Oh he is precious, precious, OH and also beyond precious. EVERY TIME I see his picture I want to SQUEEZE him.

Adoption is hard and scary because we have too many options. We wish none of them needed us and they all do. Sometimes we are so overwhelmed by the fact that we can't do it all that we do nothing at all. Then we berate ourselves while we huddle in our proverbial dark. :-) It is HARD! It just is.

I've struggled this time too. There is this BEYOND gorgeous little girl with a special need at Gladney. I want her... her special need doesn't even scare me though it's the reason she doesn't have a family. She's so precious and it's hurting me every day that she's sitting there waiting- but we feel deep in our gut that we have a little boy there. UGH!! They won't do 2 unrelated either. If she was writing me precious e-mails I might go over the edge. ;-)

I know it's gonna be so hard on me to go to Kolfe and bond with these wonderful young men not knowing if I can be more than a sponsor in this season. That's the definition of compassion right? Stepping into pain with someone....

Sigh... I hate that they need us. I wish with all my heart that we were all forced to have bio kids or something cause there were no orphans. How awesome would that be?

HUGS! Angel

Erin Moore said...

I love the advice and the words of encouragement. You guys are awesome.

Here's today's email from sweet Biruk:
.
Hello mom!
How is the day? I am vary good. Mom I miss you so much. Mom you now I love you and our family 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000times.
Mom you now I miss our family. Mom haw is Solomon? Love your son Biruk

Meg said...

*speechless*

Leesavee said...

How is the rest of your family dealing with the struggle?

The worst part of all of this is that there are so many children who need families, and not enough families who realize that God may be calling them to adopt. And here you are, with your heart so open. I wish you could have both of them be your sons. I know you have enough love for as many children as God places in your heart and arms.

God has given you a gift, Erin. God gave you that big, wide-open heart. What a blessing! Not everyone has that. Rejoice that you are able to love so much!