Monday, September 26, 2011

Life in Limbo - Adoption

On Saturday I had a great phone conversation with B. I love when we can get beyond the normal, "I love you, how are you, I miss you, school is good" stuff. Our conversations will go wherever his language skills and my understanding skills will take us. On Saturday we laughed together about a mutual friend. It wasn't really all that funny, but it sure tickled him - and once he started laughing..well..that laugh is just infectious. I began laughing and the sound of both of us laughing at the same time was some good medicine.

When the laughter faded he said he wanted to skype soon [pause] ..then "I miss your face". My heart sighed deeply. .... I miss his face too. I will skype with him, although I know that skype won't satisfy. Nothing will fill the void. Nothing can satisfy the longing of a mother's heart to have her child safe in her arms. I'm sensing that B is longing in the same way - for the comfort of his mother's arms too. (...he marvels at my fat arms, "mom, your arms are sooo fat". Gotta love that. Skinny arms need not apply.)

Today a FB message from B read, "Hi Mom, I love you I miss you so much!!! Mom you are the best of best in my life mom. I love you so much!!!!!"

What am I suppose to do with that? Writing back "I love you too" doesn't seem like enough. But then again, boarding the next plane to Africa seems like overkill. So I'm stuck. Holding his adoration in my heart. I suppose I should cherish that expression of love - surely once he gets here and is subjected to my drill sargentry (mostly just in the mornings), he'll change his mind about me. Maybe he'll downgrade me from "the best of the best" to "good" or "tolerable". I don't know.

I just miss him.

Last week I came across this dried up, flattened little rose bud (pictured above). B gave that to me the day I met him in early 2009. As I was getting ready to leave Kolfe he plucked it off of a rose bush and handed it to me. Maybe he hoped that it would help me remember him? Ha...did I ever. The rose bud might not look like much now, but to me it is a beautiful symbol of the day God planted the seed of a son in my heart.

1 comment:

Beautiful Mess said...

Thanks fr blogging the good, the bad, and the heartbreaking...PRAYING!